The Power of Intoxicating Beverages
by Charles Marlow
Summary: A description of the role of alcoholic drinks for three League champions.


The Institute of War had an in-house cafeteria that served all its inhabitants. It was famous for offering an extremely wide variety of intoxicating beverages, intended to meet the tastes of even the most specialized drinker. The heavy drinkers, wanting to down some strong substance, took to animal brews, whereas the less-daring and the Summoners preferred the weaker plant-derived drinks. Scented wine proved to be of considerable popularity for the ladies. The Yordles, whose livers are more fragile, had their own category for diluted drinks.

Most champions stayed modest in their drinks, with the exception of a few; for example, Gragas lived and died by the bottle, or in this case the barrel, and was claimed to drain the majority of the daily stock produced by the brewery. How his internal organs still managed to function was a miracle, so mocked the Summoners. More obviously profound was the alcoholism's toll on his mental faculties; some Summoners inflicted cruel and unusual punishment upon Gragas by demanding that he count all the way to fifty.

Jax, his drinking partner, was equally as profound, but in an entirely different way - the opposite, in fact. Jax also was a heavy drinker, but it seemed to have absolutely no impairing effect on him, not immediately nor lastingly. This proved to be of some fascination to the Summoners, but Jax always retreated when their curiosity turned excessively probing. He insisted it was his nature not to become easily intoxicated.

It was in this state of phantom-drunkenness when Jax was approached by a serious-looking Kayle, unmasked to reveal her seducing golden waves atop her head.

"Two minutes, please," the blonde asked of him.

Gragas, sitting opposite to Jax on the grainy table, seemed collapsed and completely unaware of the changes to his surroundings. Jax stood, gave two pats on his unconscious friend, and led Kayle to a corner. He still held his jug of ale he'd been sipping.

"The Summoners are not pleased," Kayle began. "They suspect you and your . . . company to be currently involved in some nefarious undertaking."

"How devastating," Jax replied with his characteristic sarcasm. "Do they possess legitimate grounds, or is this just another suspicion brought about by a far-fetched notion stemming from their wild imaginations?"

"As one of the Summoners' most trusted ambassadors, I advise you to use more decent language in your descriptions, Jax. Have you not once felt the weight of responsibility entrusted to you as an inducted League champion?"

Jax sneered. "'Ambassadors' - diplomatic tools, you mean. A title whose only requirement is to prove yourself to be the slightest bit eloquent."

"I will personally look to it that your mouth finds some discipline soon, but currently other pressing matters abound, the foremost of which regards your recent activities in some grey areas. You paid a visit to some Ionian ninjas?"

Jax did not speak; what he said could and would be used against him.

"How interesting that your hosts, allegedly sworn archenemies, could reach a mutually beneficial business deal in cooperation. I'm no detective, but already I can smell something foul."

"Perhaps it will do you good to relax your hypersensitive nose, which I'm afraid is a common presence in your fellow champion's everyday life." He drank. "If you have requested my precious time only to waste it in mindlessly spewing your senseless presumptions at me, then I choose to refrain from subjecting my intellect to such degradation." Jax turned to walk away.

"Should a Council inquiry ever occur for this certain conspiracy," Kayle countered, "know that I will be most forthcoming in bringing your criminal acts to light, Jax."

"I'm truly frightened," Jax responded. "You boast of your supposed intimacy with the Council and the Summoners, Kayle, when in fact you possess no more influence upon them than, say, your sibling. There is only one champion that the High Council seeks for wise counsel in such judgment - and it is certainly not you." He walked away, sipping at his jug.

He added: "In the meantime, while you sulk in traumatic revelation, why not enjoy yourself a nice drink." Jax lifted his jug for Kayle to see. "It should numb your mind from excessive emotional pain."

Kayle had almost drawn her blade and used it on the sweet-talking creature. But it was not fit for an angel to show much emotion, and so Kayle, maintaining her forced neutral expression, sought to heed Jax's advice - only partially, as it would be needed for a slightly different purpose. Or she thought.

She walked up to the counters. The bartender was mildly surprised in seeing such an unlikely customer, but regardless asked her for choice of beverage. She indicated her preference for "something strong" in her current mood, and the bartender promptly handed her a cup of dark ale.

The same type of ale that Jax enjoyed, in fact. But this she did not know as she drank, eyeing her adversary who had returned to the seat opposite his babbling drinking partner.


End file.
